Finding Balance Between Parenthood & Your Career

I’m returning to work this Spring once my maternity leave is up. I’ve juggled mixed feelings over this. I started to worry that I would struggle to find a balance between my career and parenthood. I feared this balancing act would lead to stress and burnout if not done carefully. 

While I know I can’t address the factors to finding parent and career balance for every unique situation; I reached out to a few people in my community who are managing high pace situations with parenthood to get their perspectives.

Our first respondent Jesse, is a Senior Technical Recruiter. Our second respondent, Michale, is a Realtor and Team Lead for Michale Fyke Real Estate and our final respondent Lydia, runs her own Doula business, We The Divine and is a Partner at White Lake Washing Co. 

Although each respondent works in a vastly different industry from the other; three key themes to maintaining parenthood and career balance were shared amongst the respondents. The first theme was creating the right foundation that works for your situation. The second theme was implementing strategies to enhance wellness and the final theme was leaning on your support system. 

So what does it mean to create the right foundation for your situation?

Jesse mentioned that for him, a solid foundation includes setting boundaries around the time per week he dedicates to his work in order to maintain his work life balance. “I've set a boundary with myself that my work day ends at 5:00pm, with some light flexibility for pressing issues.” 

When asked how implementing this boundary has impacted his career progression Jesse noted that “Being an active parent has definitely impacted my career. Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily. Only putting in forty hours to a job that could easily consume my whole week has limited my progression. But, it's a sacrifice I will make over and over again to be able to spend those extra hours with my kids.” 

Lydia also spoke about making sacrifices in order to create the right foundation. “I have certainly had to let go of some things. I’m still exploring the balance of pursuing my interests, applying them to my work & also not getting carried away because I know there will be time down the line to bring them all into full fruition when my kids are older. I think it’s been a lesson of patience, that I don’t need to achieve anything right now and even though it doesn’t feel like it, I will have time some day to do that. So right now I try to pace myself with how much time and energy I put into my work so that I can maintain balance for my family in order to avoid burnout.” 

Each respondent mentioned setting boundaries by establishing a threshold of time they were willing to give to their career. You might be wondering, “How can I set these kinds of boundaries?” Maybe you’re not in a working environment that gives you the kind of support you need to achieve this kind of boundary setting. 

That’s where Michale perfectly tied boundary setting together. She says “Kids grow too fast and time flies. If people in the workforce don’t respect the fact that this is important, surround yourself with other people. Get a support system that understands that. You can delegate so not everything is resting on your shoulders.” Michale also said “Surrounding myself with a network of women on my team has been my ROCK. Calling on each other when needed, being there for each other when needed. Having a strong network of colleagues to rely upon helps build your business but also allows you to have focus and time for family.”  

Along with establishing clear boundaries, Michale shares that work is an important part of life so it’s important to find work that you’re passionate about and excited to do each day. As a parent, you are setting the example for your children on what a relationship with a job should look like. Michale, says that “Being a parent is the best job in the world, but second best finding a career that challenges you and motivates you to be your best self. Being a parent has allowed me to adapt and pivot my goals to show my kids you can work and have fun.” 

Lydia had similar thoughts. She says “I find that the difference for me is that I enjoy the work I do. I’ve done some work after having kids where I would go and just think, “This is not worth being away from my daughter for”.

Which brings on the topic of meaningful work. Meaningful work is a key building block in the foundation of any happy working person with or without kids. However, with kids, it is even more important to consider the influence that your work might have on you. Your working environment influences your home life either positively or negatively. If you are in a good working environment, you are less likely to come home as an exhausted or bitter version of yourself. “Your thoughts become your words, your words become your behavior, your behavior becomes your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny” - Mahatma Gandhi 

Lydia added “Now when I go to help a new mother work through breastfeeding challenges or support someone through birth and postpartum I know it is deeply meaningful and valuable and that I am needed. It fills my cup to be able to serve women the way that I do through working as a Doula so I don’t feel like that aspect of my life is taking my energy but rather giving back to me.”  

By choosing to do meaningful work, we are more intrinsically motivated and therefore more engaged and productive resulting in our work drawing less energy from us as Lydia mentions. Doing meaningful work increases the job satisfaction we feel since we perceive our efforts as having a positive impact. Having meaningful work is also a contributing factor to our overall well being.

“The preservation of health is easier than the cure for disease.” - B.J Palmer 

Dedicating time to practicing wellness is the next strategy respondents use for maintaining their parenthood and career balance. 

Pfizer has a great definition of wellness. Pfizer sums wellness up as “The act of practicing healthy habits on a daily basis to attain better physical and mental health outcomes, so that instead of just surviving, you’re thriving.” 

Practicing wellness is an important contributing factor to your overall quality of life and ability to manage stressful situations. So let’s dive into some of the strategies our respondents mentioned for maintaining their wellness in effort to enhance their ability to not just survive parenting and career balance but thrive. 

Jesse talks about staying active. He says “I stay active. I've enrolled in hockey and baseball which both typically have games after the kids' bedtimes. I aim to go to the gym every day during lunch hour. I am also the one that walks the dog every day, usually immediately after bedtime.” 

Jesse adds that “Staying active is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Keeping the body moving will help prevent you from feeling sluggish throughout the day. If you can, aim to get your workouts in either after dropping kids off and before work... during lunch hour... or after work before getting the kids. Work it into your daily routine and make it a priority.”

On top of staying active, wellness can be enhanced by guaranteeing time for whatever activities or hobbies bring you joy. For example, Michale indicates that she blocks time in her calendar for self care time. “I am a better parent and a better leader if I feel good. Block time to do something that makes you happy. Whether it is working out, friends or alone time with your book. Block it in your calendar. That is a non-negotiable.”

Lydia says “Managing stress from a general state of imbalance emotionally, physically and mentally is a million times harder. As long as I am eating well often and moving, then I can handle the challenges so much better.” Lydia encourages “Prioritize health! Physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and all.” She adds “It’s so hard to do anything when you’re battling with brain fog , inflammation and chronic health issues. Eating clean, moving and having clear boundaries about what works for me and doesn’t keep me feeling capable.” 

The final theme mentioned across respondents was leaning on their support systems. 

“Man is by nature a social animal; an individual who is unsocial naturally and not accidentally is either beneath our notice or more than human.” - Aristotle 

We are social creatures who tend to thrive when we build good support systems. Parenthood is no different according to our respondents. 

If you are in a partnership, Jesse talks about the importance of prioritizing it. “Prioritize your relationship with your partner. If this suffers, the rest will quickly follow suit. Having a strong partnership will allow you the ability to work together and relieve each other in other areas of your lives”

Lydia adds that in her partnership, she has very honest conversations with her partner to ensure there is transparency when there’s too much on the go. “I ask for help when I need it. If there is too much on my plate, my husband and I always have a very raw conversation about what is truly important at that moment and what can be put on the back burner until the time is right. That keeps my stress levels lower because I don’t feel the weight of the world at all times.”

Lydia shares a wonderful perspective of looking for win-win situations when you and your partner both need a break at the same time. “When I feel overwhelmed, we work together to figure out how we can be resourceful to move through whatever is on the plate. Sometimes that’s calling in grandparents more often, which feels good because the kids love to be with them and they love to be with the kids. We try to look for win-win situations for the kids and us if we need a break so that they can look forward to that time too.” 

Okay, so we’ve explored the key pieces of advice Jesse, Michale and Lydia had to share to find a balance between parenthood and a career. What about some possible obstacles along the way? 

One possible challenge in finding parent and career balance could be “parental guilt”. In the context of parenting and career balance, parental guilt could occur during any situation where you need to trade time with your kids to complete work. So how can you help overcome the challenge of parental guilt? 

Step one might include giving yourself a break! Jesse adds “You cannot expect to be perfect all the time.. and allowing yourself to understand this will relieve the guilt.” 

Another thing to try might include maximizing the time you do have with your children. For example, Michale says that what she does is to “Put my phone down when the kids are talking to me. I spend 2 hours before bed time one on one . Work can wait 2 hours until their eyes are asleep.” 

Lydia says “When I’m away I feel like I should be with them. Or I feel like I’m being selfish by pursuing my own interests rather than pouring into them. Through trial, error and experience I have learned that having some time to myself to pursue my passions in the form of work makes me so much more present and positive when I am with my family. The old saying about not being able to pour from an empty cup is so true. I have to fill my own cup in order to be the best mother and wife. So I just try and remind myself of that when parent guilt creeps in.” 

Lack of alignment is another possible cause of struggling with parenting and career balance. When we are misaligned, we might be less motivated, experience more strain on our relationships, feel less fulfilled and miss positive opportunities since good opportunities are harder to recognize when you don’t have a clear vision of your goals and the direction in which you want to go. 

Lydia ensures alignment by “Always looking from a broader angle- long-term. Asking myself if this aligns. Is it best for me and my husband and kids? If not, then I don’t put my time into it. I have come to a place where I can confidently release the things that are not serving me to keep space for my family, work and passions. Having a community of women, friends and family to connect with and get real about the challenges we face in life. It feels so good to have someone who gets it. And who can share their own experiences of moving through and overcoming challenges.” 

If you are experiencing difficulty finding alignment, Lydia adds to “Take some time for deep reflection. Ask yourself, is this sustainable long term? Is it something a better routine or boundaries could fix? Are you in a place where you could take a break from work or scale back to be more present with your family and then return when things are easier?” 

Reflecting on what our respondents have shared, It’s important to note that finding a balance between parenthood and your career is going to look different for you than it does anyone else. Lydia emphasizes that “Making small, manageable adjustments continuously until you find your own family rhythm can make a huge difference. Each family will find their groove!  Every family’s balance is going to look completely different. So learn from your friends’ experiences but don’t compare yourself to others. Do what makes the most sense for you and your family.” 

There are many influencing factors to our success in achieving parent and career balance. Whatever barriers to finding balance you might be facing, the overall message remains. In order to find the right balance, it’s encouraged to identify what alignment looks like for your situation and make small adjustments where you can. Jesse adds that “Balancing work and parenting is no easy task. It requires a healthy mental state, a healthy physical state, and a healthy relationship.” Michale includes “You can do both. It may take time to figure out your rhythm but you will find it. Surround yourself with support — Support at work and strong support at home. This makes all the difference. You’re not alone.” 

Lydia says “Finding the balance between being a mother and also a woman with her own interests and aspirations is one of the most profound challenges I have yet faced. I think that’s what makes mothers so resilient. We try our absolute best for ourselves, our kids and family and it’s hard as hell but at the end of the day just the fact that we exist means more than the world to them. Someday our kids won’t ask to be rocked to sleep, sang a song or snuggled through scraped knees. It’s such a short window compared to the time that we have in life to chase our own dreams.” 

Before reading the advice Jesse, Michale and Lydia shared, I only had my perspective of parenting and career balance. A perspective developed before I had my own child. I used to observe colleagues with children and notice they needed to take the odd last minute vacation request or use more sick time than I did. Outsider looking in, I didn’t see all the effort they must have been putting in behind the scenes to find their balance. So, I just assumed parenting and career balance came organically. Hence my panic mentioned at the beginning of this article. 

If I’ve taken anything away from digging into this topic further, it’s that parenting and career balance does not come organically. It’s also clear no one struggling with parent and career balance is alone. Every working situation we see is the result of someone who has consciously worked to find alignment through continuous self reflection and a deep understanding of what serves them and what doesn’t. 

If you’ve felt fearful about returning to the workforce after a parental leave or you've struggled with finding your balance from time to time; just know you’re not alone and with the right foundation, commitment to wellness and support you’ll find your own way that works for you!